Truth is not always what we would like to believe, or what we end up telling ourselves… Once misconceptions vanish, not only from the mind but also as scars from our very soul, we can finally move on. For this to happen, you will need to understand deeply, and always remember:
1) Whatever it was that hurt you, it was not aimed Specifically at You. You just happened to be at the wrong spot at the right time. The most accurate way to view such events is as a random act of general intent. And the innermost motivations, as well as the circumstances that brought you to meet such fate, are more often than not, too complicated to justify or explain. Later on, they will be crystal clear and you will be surprised as much by your discoveries, as by your personal development.
2) You are ALWAYS in full capacity to change things, forever. Never doubt it, because the moment you do, you ignore Reality and you become blindfolded.
3) Embrace criticism, even if it is wrong. It only makes you stronger. You will surely and inevitably hear various not-so-intelligent or sympathetic comments. Put up with it. In the end, those people stay where they were, as you move ahead.
4) Compassion is an overrated feeling, therefore you should stop seeking it at all costs. If you receive it, it feels nice but it means nothing. And if you offer it, it could mean something provided you really mean it and support it practically. Do you like that idea? Start becoming the person who means it and can support it then…
5) Perhaps NOW could be the time to get angry? (a separate blog post will be devoted to that although a whole book would do more justice). The secret here is not to get angry with yourself, with others, or with supposed superior powers. Anything left? Yes, the future and your prospects…
6) Don’t become another ‘Joker’ character. The model is simple and accurate: Avoid responsibility for your actions, and you will NOT excel. Start thinking that the world owes you something, and you stop setting goals, working for them, being motivated. Your productivity levels go down, your well-being deteriorates, and violent behavior could be the next stage in your personal development. In cartoon life, you could be an Anti-hero that everybody loves. In real life, you become a Loser that everybody avoids.
How can one break out of it? Since this is not an inherent characteristic but an acquired one (via experiences and not inborn), you can always use one of the two most extreme ends of life’s spectrum to change it: Either a most fortunate situation or a Crisis. Look for them, seek them, attract them, create them if necessary. No matter how many good friends talk you into your comeback, you will not buy it, unless if you are completely sold into it on your own. Once you encounter that chance, you will either miss it, and ‘victim Mentality’ will become chronic, or you will use that moment to come out storming, finally free.
At that moment, being free equals winning. After that, you get to ask yourself if it is enough…